Humor by Chason Gordon. See below.
WASHINGTON – According to campaign insiders, President Obama and Mitt Romney spent election night playing the new Halo for hours, occasionally pausing the Xbox game to check swing state results.
“Oh, we were taking shots at each other all day,” said Romney, “in Halo!”
The two learned a great deal about their opponent from fighting online in multiplayer mode.
“Romney is a formidable opponent,” said a recently reelected President Obama. “He’s good with the Needler. Whenever he frags me, he just stands over the body with that look of pity on his face. It’s so annoying.”
Halo 4 was released on Tuesday and has sold millions of copies in a matter of days. The game follows the trials and tribulations of Master Chief, a commander who fights alien intruders. Both candidates admitted that the character possessed leadership qualities neither of them had.
“I’m just glad he didn’t run for president,” said Obama, laughing nervously.
Not wanting to miss out, the candidates for vice president got in on the action as well.
“Ryan and I played Biden and Obama the other night,” said Romney. “We fought in Warthogs. Ryan and Biden were the gunners, of course. Biden’s the only guy I know who manages to shoot himself. He sucks.”
But even in the brutal warfare of online gaming, there was bipartisanship.
“The other night Romney shared his Warthog with me,” said President Obama. “I was touched. We destroyed a Wraith together! If we can put aside differences in the virtual world, maybe we can do it in the real world.”
“Probably not, though,” he added.
Image – Bungie