LITERALLY HUMOR

Humor by Chason Gordon. See below.

Author Archives: literallyhumor

The Hypocrisy of Treadmills

The problem with treadmills is that they always cater to the ideal running experience. Now surely that is the role of any piece of equipment in the gym, but life … Continue reading

02/03/2012 · Leave a comment

Obama Engrossed By Republican Primaries, Forgets Presidential Duties

WASHINGTON – According to a recent report, President Obama is so engrossed with the republican primaries that he’s forgotten all his responsibilities as Commander in Chief. “He spends all day … Continue reading

01/27/2012 · Leave a comment

Solyndra Solar Panels Mistakenly Gave Sun Energy

WASHINGTON – A source in the Obama administration confirmed today that the solar panels produced by the now defunct Solyndra actually gave the sun more power, rather than absorbing it, … Continue reading

01/23/2012 · 2 Comments

Newt Gingrich Literally Constructs Own Moral Universe

MACLEAN, VA – It was discovered today that Newt Gingrich literally constructed his own moral universe, mostly built out of mirrors, birch bark, and headshots. “It’s amazing,” confirmed one reporter, … Continue reading

01/19/2012 · 1 Comment

How to Cook Chicken

Let’s say you’re standing in front of a piece of meat. Let’s just say it, we don’t have rush into any kind of action. It could be chicken, or the … Continue reading

01/10/2012 · 1 Comment

All You Need to Know About Fireworks

I don’t know about you, but the New Year’s resolution I make most often while watching the fireworks is that I need to watch more fireworks. They are so absorbing … Continue reading

12/31/2011 · Leave a comment

A One on One Tour of the Stonewall Jackson House

Lexington, Virginia Initially I did not intend to go to the Stonewall Jackson house, but the Robert E. Lee chapel was closed and I thought Jackson a fine second. Being … Continue reading

12/11/2011 · 1 Comment

Ten Things You Should See in a Heist Film

http://www.soundonsight.org/ten-things-you-should-see-in-a-heist-film/

11/30/2011 · Leave a comment

Oscars To Be Hosted By A Redbox Machine

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/oscars-to-be-hosted-by-a-redbox-machine/

11/17/2011 · Leave a comment

How To Ace That Job Interview

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/how-to-ace-that-job-interview/

11/08/2011 · Leave a comment

The Initial Reports on Classic Consumer Products

http://www.defenestrationmag.net/2011/11/the-initial-reports-on-classic-consumer-products-by-chason-gordon/

11/02/2011 · Leave a comment

So You Heard Your Neighbors Having Sex

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/so-you-heard-your-neighbors-having-sex/ image – John Tornow

10/27/2011 · Leave a comment

All You Need to Know About Pistachios

Pistachios are an odd nut, because they’re the only nut that has cleavage. If you look at a pistachio the shell is always slightly spread open, giving you a preview … Continue reading

10/25/2011 · 4 Comments

Observing the Construction of a McDonald’s

http://www.thebigjewel.com/observing-the-construction-of-a-mcdonalds/ Photo: Wikimedia Commons/Chrisloader

10/19/2011 · Leave a comment

Local Food Truck Discovered To Be Restaurant

http://www.westseattlefunblog.com/local/local-food-truck-discovered-to-be-restaurant Photo: Pete Seazle

10/17/2011 · Leave a comment

Just You Try and Watch a Movie

Cinema attendance is down this year, and it doesn’t matter what year I’m writing this, because it’s down every year. Who knew that terrible prints, low light projection, endless trailers, … Continue reading

10/13/2011 · Leave a comment

Forgotten Greek Myths

Astridus, the god of involuntary spasms, finds his lover dallying in a field. Hoping to surprise young Supya, he poses as a sheep, but tragedy strikes when Supya, posing as … Continue reading

10/10/2011 · 3 Comments

Those Elusive Free Wireless Zones

There is something especially pathetic about the man at the beach with the metal detector. It’s not his desperate search for treasure, or his lack of proper beach attire, but … Continue reading

10/06/2011 · 1 Comment

A Hackneyed 14th Century Comedian Who’s Tired of Attacking Castles

You ever notice when you attack a castle, they always raise the drawbridge right before you get there? I mean they had hours to raise the drawbridge – they knew … Continue reading

09/30/2011 · Leave a comment

What to Do in a Safe House

The best thing to do in a safe house is think about why you’re in a safe house. What did you do to get here? Did you kill someone? Did … Continue reading

09/29/2011 · 5 Comments

How to Deal with an Ant Problem

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/how-to-deal-with-an-ant-problem/

09/23/2011 · Leave a comment

Behavioral Therapy Teaches Polite Driver How to Be an Asshole

http://glossynews.com/society/human-interest/201109221558/behavioral-therapy-teaches-polite-driver-how-to-be-an-asshole/

09/22/2011 · 2 Comments

All You Need to Know About Paper Towels

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/all-you-need-to-know-about-paper-towels/ Photo:  nickgraywfu http://www.flickr.com/photos/nickgray/

09/21/2011 · Leave a comment

What Your Toilet Paper Ply Says About You

http://www.pointsincase.com/articles/what-your-toilet-paper-ply-says-about-you

09/21/2011 · Leave a comment

Why We Don’t Have Flying Cars

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/why-we-dont-have-flying-cars/

09/16/2011 · 1 Comment

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