So Many Boxes: My Stint as a Mover
Originally appeared in The Billfold, 2015 At a molecular level, there’s not much of a difference between matter and empty space, but for some reason people still find it … Continue reading
Words We’ve Probably Learned From Movies
Everyone has either been the victim or the aggressor in regards to the following sentence: “Oh, you got that from [insert movie here].” As much as we’d like to deny … Continue reading
BREAKING NEWS: Romney Blames Election Loss on “Lazy” Son
BOSTON – Throughout the election campaign, Mitt Romney’s five sons, Tagg, Matt, Josh, Ben, and Craig, played an essential role in helping their father get the word out. But a … Continue reading
My First Comicon in Pictures
My stupid article on the Seattle Comicon can be found here: http://www.capitolhilltimes.com/2012/04/trying-to-get-into-the-emerald-city-comic-con/ Chason Gordon copyright 2012
Man Uses Robocalls to Trash Successful Sister
TEMPE, ARIZONA – Peter Thompson had long felt jealous of his sister for her various successes, fearing she outshined him in the eyes of his parents, so he decided to … Continue reading
The Hypocrisy of Treadmills
The problem with treadmills is that they always cater to the ideal running experience. Now surely that is the role of any piece of equipment in the gym, but life … Continue reading
How to Cook Chicken
Let’s say you’re standing in front of a piece of meat. Let’s just say it, we don’t have rush into any kind of action. It could be chicken, or the … Continue reading
Oscars To Be Hosted By A Redbox Machine
http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/oscars-to-be-hosted-by-a-redbox-machine/
So You Heard Your Neighbors Having Sex
http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/so-you-heard-your-neighbors-having-sex/ image – John Tornow
Observing the Construction of a McDonald’s
http://www.thebigjewel.com/observing-the-construction-of-a-mcdonalds/ Photo: Wikimedia Commons/Chrisloader
Local Food Truck Discovered To Be Restaurant
http://www.westseattlefunblog.com/local/local-food-truck-discovered-to-be-restaurant Photo: Pete Seazle
Just You Try and Watch a Movie
Cinema attendance is down this year, and it doesn’t matter what year I’m writing this, because it’s down every year. Who knew that terrible prints, low light projection, endless trailers, … Continue reading
Forgotten Greek Myths
Astridus, the god of involuntary spasms, finds his lover dallying in a field. Hoping to surprise young Supya, he poses as a sheep, but tragedy strikes when Supya, posing as … Continue reading
Those Elusive Free Wireless Zones
There is something especially pathetic about the man at the beach with the metal detector. It’s not his desperate search for treasure, or his lack of proper beach attire, but … Continue reading
A Hackneyed 14th Century Comedian Who’s Tired of Attacking Castles
You ever notice when you attack a castle, they always raise the drawbridge right before you get there? I mean they had hours to raise the drawbridge – they knew … Continue reading
What to Do in a Safe House
The best thing to do in a safe house is think about why you’re in a safe house. What did you do to get here? Did you kill someone? Did … Continue reading
How to Deal with an Ant Problem
http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/how-to-deal-with-an-ant-problem/
All You Need to Know About Paper Towels
http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/all-you-need-to-know-about-paper-towels/ Photo: nickgraywfu http://www.flickr.com/photos/nickgray/
What Your Toilet Paper Ply Says About You
http://www.pointsincase.com/articles/what-your-toilet-paper-ply-says-about-you
Why We Don’t Have Flying Cars
http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/why-we-dont-have-flying-cars/
The Original Consumer Report on the Dishwasher
Every meal must end as God intended with the cleaning of dishes, to remind us that our culinary reverie is only that, a brief respite from a life of labor, … Continue reading
My Dream to Own a Book Ladder
I’ve always wanted to own a book ladder (see above). It’s not typically associated with status symbols, like a two car garage or a remote controlled barbeque, but it matters … Continue reading
LITERALLY HUMOR 