LITERALLY HUMOR

Humor by Chason Gordon. See below.

Tag Archives: comedy

So Many Boxes: My Stint as a Mover

Originally appeared in The Billfold, 2015   At a molecular level, there’s not much of a difference between matter and empty space, but for some reason people still find it … Continue reading

04/21/2016 · Leave a comment

Words We’ve Probably Learned From Movies

Everyone has either been the victim or the aggressor in regards to the following sentence: “Oh, you got that from [insert movie here].” As much as we’d like to deny … Continue reading

12/18/2012 · 1 Comment

BREAKING NEWS: Romney Blames Election Loss on “Lazy” Son

BOSTON – Throughout the election campaign, Mitt Romney’s five sons, Tagg, Matt, Josh, Ben, and Craig, played an essential role in helping their father get the word out. But a … Continue reading

11/15/2012 · Leave a comment

My First Comicon in Pictures

My stupid article on the Seattle Comicon can be found here: http://www.capitolhilltimes.com/2012/04/trying-to-get-into-the-emerald-city-comic-con/   Chason Gordon   copyright 2012 

04/05/2012 · 1 Comment

Man Uses Robocalls to Trash Successful Sister

TEMPE, ARIZONA – Peter Thompson had long felt jealous of his sister for her various successes, fearing she outshined him in the eyes of his parents, so he decided to … Continue reading

03/15/2012 · Leave a comment

The Hypocrisy of Treadmills

The problem with treadmills is that they always cater to the ideal running experience. Now surely that is the role of any piece of equipment in the gym, but life … Continue reading

02/03/2012 · Leave a comment

How to Cook Chicken

Let’s say you’re standing in front of a piece of meat. Let’s just say it, we don’t have rush into any kind of action. It could be chicken, or the … Continue reading

01/10/2012 · 1 Comment

Oscars To Be Hosted By A Redbox Machine

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/oscars-to-be-hosted-by-a-redbox-machine/

11/17/2011 · Leave a comment

The Initial Reports on Classic Consumer Products

http://www.defenestrationmag.net/2011/11/the-initial-reports-on-classic-consumer-products-by-chason-gordon/

11/02/2011 · Leave a comment

So You Heard Your Neighbors Having Sex

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/so-you-heard-your-neighbors-having-sex/ image – John Tornow

10/27/2011 · Leave a comment

Observing the Construction of a McDonald’s

http://www.thebigjewel.com/observing-the-construction-of-a-mcdonalds/ Photo: Wikimedia Commons/Chrisloader

10/19/2011 · Leave a comment

Local Food Truck Discovered To Be Restaurant

http://www.westseattlefunblog.com/local/local-food-truck-discovered-to-be-restaurant Photo: Pete Seazle

10/17/2011 · Leave a comment

Just You Try and Watch a Movie

Cinema attendance is down this year, and it doesn’t matter what year I’m writing this, because it’s down every year. Who knew that terrible prints, low light projection, endless trailers, … Continue reading

10/13/2011 · Leave a comment

Forgotten Greek Myths

Astridus, the god of involuntary spasms, finds his lover dallying in a field. Hoping to surprise young Supya, he poses as a sheep, but tragedy strikes when Supya, posing as … Continue reading

10/10/2011 · 3 Comments

Those Elusive Free Wireless Zones

There is something especially pathetic about the man at the beach with the metal detector. It’s not his desperate search for treasure, or his lack of proper beach attire, but … Continue reading

10/06/2011 · 1 Comment

A Hackneyed 14th Century Comedian Who’s Tired of Attacking Castles

You ever notice when you attack a castle, they always raise the drawbridge right before you get there? I mean they had hours to raise the drawbridge – they knew … Continue reading

09/30/2011 · Leave a comment

What to Do in a Safe House

The best thing to do in a safe house is think about why you’re in a safe house. What did you do to get here? Did you kill someone? Did … Continue reading

09/29/2011 · 5 Comments

How to Deal with an Ant Problem

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/how-to-deal-with-an-ant-problem/

09/23/2011 · Leave a comment

Behavioral Therapy Teaches Polite Driver How to Be an Asshole

http://glossynews.com/society/human-interest/201109221558/behavioral-therapy-teaches-polite-driver-how-to-be-an-asshole/

09/22/2011 · 2 Comments

All You Need to Know About Paper Towels

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/all-you-need-to-know-about-paper-towels/ Photo:  nickgraywfu http://www.flickr.com/photos/nickgray/

09/21/2011 · Leave a comment

What Your Toilet Paper Ply Says About You

http://www.pointsincase.com/articles/what-your-toilet-paper-ply-says-about-you

09/21/2011 · Leave a comment

Why We Don’t Have Flying Cars

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/why-we-dont-have-flying-cars/

09/16/2011 · 1 Comment

The Original Consumer Report on the Dishwasher

Every meal must end as God intended with the cleaning of dishes, to remind us that our culinary reverie is only that, a brief respite from a life of labor, … Continue reading

09/14/2011 · Leave a comment

My Dream to Own a Book Ladder

I’ve always wanted to own a book ladder (see above). It’s not typically associated with status symbols, like a two car garage or a remote controlled barbeque, but it matters … Continue reading

09/14/2011 · 1 Comment

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